dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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