dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
