you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
