i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
