I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
