Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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