Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
