Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
