dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
