i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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