He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
