I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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