Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
