the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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