I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
