You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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