im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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