We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
