Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
