Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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