remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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