if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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