My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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