I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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