wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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