Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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