I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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