Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are a genius and a whore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
