she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
