I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
