O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
