I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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