I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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