She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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