So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
