I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
