apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
