i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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