All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
