you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
