best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
