you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
