she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
