....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
