ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
