dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
