like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
