there's paper in my vomit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
