He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
