We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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