god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
