Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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