we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
