I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
