i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is the high leading the old right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
