remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A+ Viking dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
