officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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