If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
