Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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