Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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