Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
