We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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