shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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